I was messaging someone recently and they described themselves as ‘just a mam’. It really struck a chord with me, because for the past six months I have been longing to be ‘just a mam’.
Today is the Simply Small Co’s last week of trading as a bricks and mortar business, I’m going back to running my business from home and I’ve been reflecting a lot on this ‘just a mam’ badge.
I’m soooooo looking forward to my time off with the kids and yes my main plans are spending time with them, gutting my house because it’s a mess, having lots of nice family time, being a better and more attentive wife and mother but I will never be ‘just a mam’. Before you think….”oh that girl has ideas above her station” what I ACTUALLY mean is NO mothers are ‘just a mam’.
Whether you’re a 50 hours a week, stay at home mum, 12hr nightshift worker, on maternity leave or are a part-time worker, you’re still a mam. Doing your best and looking after your family. Living your life the way you choose to live it. The phrase ‘parenthood is the hardest job you’ll ever do’ is like nails down a blackboard to me because it is not a job! It’s life, not a job and you choose how you run it.
I think as women we often lead complex lives in a way that men simply don’t. Most of us have a million tabs open at once making sure lunches are packed, uniforms are laid out, playdates are on the calendar, we have that work presentation done for next week, do the mental shopping list, make sure Josh, Aiden, and Lucy have birthday presents sorted, must arrange to meet up with the girls for a night out soon, must make that dentist appointment for the kids. Always thinking, always planning, always multitasking, and always worrying.
It’s how our brains are wired and most of us take on the burden of responsibility in parenting. I’m not saying men do nothing where parenting and keeping house are concerned, but the plain fact is, most women do more.
You would never hear a man calling himself ‘just a dad’. Even men who are stay at home dads wouldn’t call themselves that, so why do women put themselves down this way? Why judge and label other women who are stay at home mams as lazy? Or consider those who choose to/have to work as not being fully there for their children? Men are never judged in this way so lets stop doing it to women.
When someone asked my daughter recently what she wanted to be when she grew up. I thought she’d say ‘a vet’ ‘a doctor’ ‘a superhero’ but what she actually said was “I want to work in a shop just like my Mammy” Eeeek I still haven’t told her mama won’t be working in a shop anymore – she’s 4 she’ll get over it I'm sure
But I know that she won’t give two hoots that her ‘role model’ is jacking in the day job for a while if it means she gets to hang out with me more often.
My point is, never consider yourself ‘just a mam’. We are EVERYTHING! Especially to our children and maybe we should consider ourselves a bit more everything too.